If you’re not getting it regularly, then you are in need of external discipline!
Are You The Only One?
Do you sometimes feel as though you are the only person in the world hiding your need for physical discipline? Are you living through cycles of shame and loneliness, or feel as though you’re the only person who is ‘broken’? Have you ever asked, ‘Why can’t I just be normal?’
At some point in your life, you’ve had to acknowledge that your lack of discipline is a big deal and that you would benefit from a guiding hand. You are aware of how this affects your life and you’ve made adaptations. You allow for it, you ignore it, you tend to it, and you often keep it hidden.
Partner or Spouse
It can be tough living with a partner or spouse who is unaware of your secret need. You may have kept it hidden for years because you fear that they’ll misunderstand. You wish you could have what you dream of, but you’re resigned to the way things are now. Mostly it’s okay, but there are some days when you just wish you could get the treatment you deserve and crave.
Perhaps the intimacy you once had with your spouse has faded, but your physical need for discipline has not. Your need is with you for life but it makes you feel lonely within your relationship. This realisation can negatively affect some marriages over time. Perhaps you worry about your future happiness if you don’t get this issue sorted soon.
Do you sometimes feel that your need will send you into a frenzy if you don’t deal with it immediately? Do you think about it more than you should? Do you stay up way too late focusing on it…procrastinating…and ultimately being unproductive? You become frustrated and upset with yourself, and it’s no wonder your kids say you are cranky! When you’re out of touch with your passions, you’re out of sorts with life in general.
You may have found the opportunity to covertly deal with your need, from time to time, but do you feel guilty for indulging in it? Does it only make you feel good in the short term? Perhaps you have been stuck in this spiral for years and no matter what you do, you can’t shake your desire for discipline that you alternately love and hate. It drives you to lead a double life and you feel awful having to lie to your loved ones.
The Crying Game
Once or twice you’ve even cried in secret, out of loneliness, shame or self-pity, with no one there to comfort you. You imagine being able to talk about it with someone who understands, and even to cry in front of them. Is this a real prospect or merely another of your imaginary possibilities? You wish it were real and if it were, you’d jump at the chance to try it.
Is Your Lack of Discipline Showing?
You know how it goes when you fall deeply into a discipline-craving cycle. It is all-consuming, even though you appear to be functional at work or at home…until you suddenly aren’t. At any point of your deep-dive into this cycle, you could find yourself exhibiting the following behaviours:
- Getting completely absorbed in your phone at random times in a day
- Staying up late when everyone else is in bed
- Needing ‘quiet time’ on your home computer
- Not being attentive to people
- Getting short-tempered over trivial things
- Binge eating as a distraction
- Going to the bathroom more often
- Drinking alcohol more than usual
- Numbing out in front of Netflix/TV/internet
- Appearing as lazy or lethargic
- Working intensively to compensate for your distracted ways
- Heading out for a meeting that’s not typically scheduled
- Being less communicative with family
It is interesting that your need for discipline, left untended, causes a range of behaviours that are typical of a general lack of discipline. If you’ve been here, you know how frustrating it can be and you may have been told that you need a kick in the pants to get yourself moving out of this disruptive state. You and I know what you really need. In your case, only a good spanking on the bottom will sort you out. All those bad behaviours will melt away once someone takes you in hand and deals with you, and later holds you accountable to good behaviour under threat of further punishment.
It’s Not Your Fault
You shouldn’t blame yourself for any of this. Your need for discipline evolved from a young age and has been with you ever since. It is a unique part of you, as much as your fingerprints or your likes and dislikes are unique to you.
The expectations of society have gone a long way in leading you to feel the way you do about your need for discipline. Just as we’ve been told that ‘big boys don’t cry,’ we have also been led to believe that adults shouldn’t need or want to be physically disciplined. In the eyes of those who judge, it would be weird, perverted or weak for a man to want that, and equally strange and taboo for a woman to desire it. In this current age of equality between the sexes, any behaviour that looks as though there is an unequal power balance could be misunderstood.
The act of being physically disciplined in any way as an adult is generally not smiled upon by the general public. At worst, it brings up thoughts of corporal or judicial punishments, or of a dysfunctional sexuality that deems you disreputable and avoidable. At best it is seen as something laughable and comic, and not to be taken too seriously. Neither is something you want to be associated with, and nor should you be. They just don’t get it, that’s all.
You have seen the judgement of others who are brave enough to live their truth, but you don’t want to walk through the same fire. Some people get very burnt when they do that and you have a family and a career to think about. Heavens help you if it ‘got out’ that you desire something as misunderstood as discipline. People have lost their jobs and reputations over such accusations. No wonder you have to hide away in shame and misery.
It doesn’t help that service providers themselves often feel the need to hide away for fear of public judgement and the potential risk that comes from an unregulated and unsupported industry. If it were the norm for people to be treated with disciplinary methods, every professional provider would be publicly open about their work and there would be rules to adhere to. Those rules would keep both the client and the practitioner safe and accountable to best practises. Currently, those who are courageous enough to work in this space have to take their own safety precautions, and so they generally operate in a discreet manner of their own making. There is no industry standard. A lack of public attention and a misunderstanding of this area of health contributes to the general unease associated with adult disciplinary treatments, no matter how professionally they are carried out.
I Repeat, ‘It’s Not Your Fault!’
It is not your fault that you were built this way. It is not your fault that you feel the way you do about yourself. It is not your fault that the world is not yet ready to accept you for how you are.
There is Hope Yet
I would like to believe that the world will swing towards acceptance and even endorsement of the activities of discipline-seekers. Sometimes there are positive signs of this as a movement, especially when you look at the influence of art (or even a good Netflix series) and how it exposes people to new ideas. With enough exposure, something that may once have seemed unusual can become normal, or at least ordinary enough to remain undisputed.
Explore Your Need
In the meantime, you still have to live with yourself. Imagine a different type of life in your future…one where you still have your need for discipline, but you live compatibly with it. You understand where your need came from and you accept yourself the way you are. In fact, you enjoy having your need. There is no longer any shame and instead you experience empowerment, satisfaction and pleasure.
By exploring your need, you’ve strengthened your relationship with your partner. You are honest and patient when expressing what you want and you reciprocate by being open to your partner’s needs. You share moments of sheer joy and passion and have built new levels of intimacy that hold your family close together. You are not cranky with the people you most care about and your kids say that you are more fun to hang out with.
You are able to talk about your needs with confidence and good humour and you are not ashamed to get what you want. You know how to satisfy your needs in a safe and structured way and you are more generous as a lover, friend and family member as a result of feeling fulfilled. Your energy flows once more and your life is richer because of it.
You no longer live a double life, which feels as though a massive weight has been lifted from your conscience. You are light and open and keen to explore your true self in a supported manner for the first time in your adult life.
You no longer spiral into cycles of unresolved frustration. You are able to manage your disciplinary needs in a fulfilling and immediate manner, which has freed your thoughts and emotions from old, disruptive patterns. Now, you have the clarity to focus on the things that require your full attention and you are far more productive.
Yes, you can have this life. You can have your discipline and enjoy it too. The answers are there when you reach out to me.